‘What gender do you identify as?’
Now, you would think that this is a relatively straightforward question. ‘Female’ someone could say, perhaps ‘non-binary,’ another will answer. One is simply being asked to state what gender, if any, they choose to identify with. Not the hardest concept in the world to grasp right? Well alas dear reader, to think this, you would be very much mistaken. In actuality, this question, this singular six worded question, can often be the catalyst for a complete and utter meltdown; so please, direct it with caution.
Some initial responses that may potentially indicate further self destruction to follow may appear in the form of:
‘Are you saying I look like a man??’
‘I’ll get out my penis and you can decide for yourself shall I’
or, and this is a cult favourite;
‘I identify as a rainbow spotted [insert any real or fictional creature, food item, or miscellaneous object].’
Now there are many routes that could be taken in order to deal with these kinds of responses, but firstly, perhaps make it clear that you do not in fact have any need or want for said person to flash their genitals. Just because they have some deep insecurity complex doesn’t mean that they have to go all Freud on you.
Whilst the first two may seem more confrontational, they are probably the easiest to deal with, as they are probably people going on the defensive because they don’t truly understand what is being asked of them. In this case, once flashing rights have been denied, explaining that you didn’t mean to cast offense on their family name, but in fact rather the opposite, should be a good solution.
The third response however is a whole other ball game.
A common reaction for this bad boy is to channel one's inner Gordon Ramsey and call them out for being the idiot sandwich that they are. However, as tempting as this may be, this is the method most likely to induce full on disaster mode with zero hope of return, so it is probably best to be avoided - for everyone’s sake.
One approach that has a slightly higher chance of success is to merely accept what they have said and move on, as one does when a young child claims that they are going to become president of the moon or have a house of their own by the age of 22. Ah yes sweetheart, we nod approvingly, of course you are.
One issue I have with this is that, whilst satisfying our inner condescension queen, it doesn’t and won’t change anything. Taking this method simply allows the Piers' and Katies of this world to go on using the gender and sexuality card as another source of comedy to whack out at the dinner table, when in actuality, it is anything but.
Identifying yourself as a multicoloured rhinoceros is not funny, it never was funny and it never will be funny. In fact, the only thing remotely humorous about it as that people actually think that being disrespectful and ignorant automatically makes them ‘witty’, or ‘inventive,’ when in reality, all it does is show them up as being the complete opposite.
So, if you happen to get this kind of ‘hilarious’ retort, try to remain calm and take some time to explain why what they said is not okay and what the appropriate response is instead. Hopefully it is not the actual Piers or Katie that you are speaking to, so they may have some kind of respect for a voice other than their own.
However, if worst comes to worst, I only have one suggestion left. Google 'come dine with me Jane speech' and repeat as necessary. Even though telling someone that they have the grace of a reversing dump truck without any tyres on may not be the most productive, I believe I speak honestly when I say, it'll sure as hell be worth it.
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