I am currently a student at Sciences Po in Strasbourg*, France. I am a very enthusiastic person and I love partying. At the time, I was in my second year and, like many other students in Science Po, I was in a student association.
Within the association team there was a guy in his 4th year who was preparing himself to go to ENA**, which is the school that trains all the french high officials. In December of 2018, he invited me to his birthday party.
I planned to go there with another friend of mine but at the last minute she told me that she couldn't come, so I decided to just go alone. Even though there were only 4th year students at the party, it went well, but around midnight, they decided to go to a night club not far from my home. I wasn't in the mood to go out, so I decided to head back home and only journey with them for a part of the way. Ironically, I thought this was the safer option.
On the way home, the guy who invited me told me that I should come with them to the club, and then I could sleep with him afterwards. I said no. He turned to me and tried to kiss me so I stopped and stepped back. The group didn't notice and so went on. I ended up with my back against a wall with his arms on each side of me so I couldn't leave. He kept repeating to me that we would regret it if we didn't do it. He forced me to kiss him and, even though I was resisting, he kissed me on my neck and breast. I kept telling him that he was drunk, that he shouldn't do this and asked him to think about his girlfriend. As he didn't stop, I began figuring out that this was going to happen to me.
One of his friends noticed that we were missing so he came back to find us like this. He pushed my aggressor, who immediately left after gesturing in anger. The guy who interrupted him asked me if I was all right and if I needed to be brought home. I thanked him, refused his help and went home by myself.
I ran half of the way.
My boyfriend was there, already asleep, but for some reason - I still don't understand - I felt uncomfortable about sleeping next to him. I took a shower but then put my clothes on again to sleep in. I checked my phone and realised my aggressor had called me many times, as well as having sent me a message;
"I just don't want us to miss our chance."
I told him I need some rest and to talk to him later. In the morning, he thanked me for coming. I asked him if he still wanted to discuss, he said that there was no need. He apologised for "having said some kind of extreme things" whilst he was drunk. I told him to forget about it and even thanked him for the party. I never had any contact with him again.
I was reluctant to explain this to my (now ex) boyfriend, but I just couldn’t get it out of my mind, so I had to. When I did it, he didn’t understand that something was wrong. He didn't take the time to reassure me, but instead just acted like it was a normal story, even blaming me for being at this party where I should have known the risk.
He finally told me that I was lucky; "it could have been worse."
At the same time, I didn't feel or look traumatised. I was just avoiding the parties that he might be at, so life went on.
Today I still feel uncomfortable talking about this. I try not to imagine how grave it could have been, but most of all I am very angry. I am angry at myself. I think that I didn’t do enough to prevent him from acting that way, that I was too nice to him. As I was told later by my boyfriend, I should have ‘kicked him in the balls’ and it would have been over.
I am also angry at him.
He is studying at one of the best french schools, has a huge group of friends, a brilliant career in front of him and the ambition to become a powerful man in France. To him, I will always just be a girl he met once and would have liked to fuck - among others. Just one more source of entertainment at his birthday party. I am sure he doesn't realise the harm he has done and most likely never will.
I have heard other girls at my school complaining about other stories like this.
This kind of act seems to be very common in my school, everybody is talking about it, everybody knows that it is not safe to go to school parties, but nothing ever changes. I also heard with my own ears the headmaster of my school blaming, in front of all the students, the feminist association for constantly "denouncing instead of dialoguing."
Like it was something that should not be denounced.
He then explained to us that he said this because the value of our diplomas depends on the reputation of our school. The headmaster's words are almost as heavy in my heart as the gesture of his student, the one who tried to steal something from me and was never held accountable or punished for it.
* Sciences Po Strasbourg, or IEP of Strasbourg is a political and social sciences college in Strasbourg, France
** ENA or, Ecole Nationale d'Administration, soon to be renamed Ecole d'Administration Publique, is a school for higher education and public administration in France
The writer of this piece has chosen to remain anonymous.
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