In recent years the words ‘mental health’ have integrated to become part of everyday conversation, yet, in this month of November, they hold even greater significance. Established as ‘Men’s Mental Health Month,’ this November, or should I say, Movember, has seen people fundraising left right and centre in the name of men’s health - and with an astounding £12.8 million raised for the cause in 2019, every step taken and moustache hair grown really does help.
However, in the midst of the campaigning craze, we have to remember what, and who, it’s all for. With men three times more likely to die from suicide than women in the UK and mental illness on the rise, our awareness of this issue is more important than ever. So, in order to gain insight into the matter from those who actually experience it, I spoke to five men about the role that mental health plays in their lives, as well as its place in wider society, opening up the conversation, if only on a small scale, to get a better view of what male mental health truly means.
What does ‘mental health’ mean to you?
Male 1: A lot - just as much, if not more pervasive than physical health concerns as it has affected more people I know in longer-lasting ways.
Male 2: The ability to cope with life's challenges with a positive outlook, to not believe that your state of mind is always dragging you down and destroying your potential.
Male 3: I feel like mental health has lots of negative connotations and is rarely thought of in a positive light. When I hear the words mental health my mind automatically thinks of depression, something I don't like thinking about, maybe in fear of accepting that it has impacted me in the past.
Male 4: Mental health in my opinion means general well-being and your mind-fullness. Mental health needs to be distinguished from mere stress or upset as this is emotion. Mental health therefore needs to be looked at as something that affects one's day to day routine for a prolonged period of time.
Male 5: Mental health to me is all about how I am feeling within myself, my day to day moods and my outlook on life.
How often do you think about your own mental health and the effect that it may be having on you?
M1: Weekly
M2: Every other day.
M3: I only really think about it when everything builds up so I actually notice that I feel different. It will just hit me all at once. It seems to go quickly enough, but probably isn't the best way of dealing with things.
M4: A time limit would be wholly insignificant. Mental health cannot be gauged on this spectrum as one may go for weeks without thinking about their mental wellbeing but on the other hand may go for prolonged periods of time only thinking about this issue. This is where a distinguished definition is important. If you are asking me how often I feel sad or stressed then that is a daily occurrence, however, if you are asking how often I have “breakouts” that can be on a yearly basis.
M5: Not too often, it is definitely a background thought a lot of the time, but with initiatives like Movember it is coming to the forefront of my thoughts a lot more. I think a lot of the time I am able to recognise the impacts of my mental health but it is definitely something that does creep up on me sometimes and things can bottle up and become much worse.
Do you think that there is a stigma surrounding male mental health? If so, why?
M1: On a wide societal scale, yes. Men are quicker to ‘banter’ on someone’s flaws, a lot of men feel like they need to hold up a macho facade and not be affected by such a thing as ‘mental health’.
M2: Yes, I believe it is hard to deal with.
M3: Yes, I think the classic 'man up' view is still quite a big part of society. It's obviously getting better with things like Movember, but also think just because someone says it's okay to talk about how you feel doesn't mean a lot of men will.
M4: I believe that we live in a society where we are told how we must deal with emotion. Tens of years ago we wouldn’t talk about mental health. The phrase “man up” gets used a lot. Although this is not helpful for some people who want to talk about their feelings openly, I feel we have gone the other way where people now feel like they have to talk. The reality is that people deal with mental health in lots of ways. For some, talking and a softer approach is needed, but for others a more hard line sharp snappy attitude is needed. We have come to blur the lines in the modern day between emotion and mental health and this needs to be cleared so we can address the true issue. There is a stigma but the stigma that people think men can’t talk is a lie... the stigma is that in order to get better you must be open and that is not the fact. People vary in how they deal with situations and our modern society is not facilitative of this. Liberal attitudes towards feeling have confused our methods and hence we now talk about mental health as feeling “a bit sad” when in reality the majority of the population will not experience true mental illness which truly scars lives.
M5: I think there is a stigma but I also believe that we as a society have made leaps and bounds to improve this stigma. The reasons for the stigma in my opinion stem from a society which told men to 'man up' and not to cry, attitudes like this which previously existed have paved the way for a stigma to exist. Today's society has gone a long way to break this but it certainly isn't fully there yet.
Do you think that mental health is treated differently between men and women? Why?
M1: Tricky, you could almost say more is being done for men in terms of campaigns, women seem to be more willing to acknowledge and treat.
M2: It depends on the person and their friends that surround them. Men's mental health is being treated a lot more seriously due to the increasing numbers of fatal cases, however surface issues are brushed off more easily with men than women.
M3: It depends, I feel like women are just better at dealing with/talking about their emotions and so, from my experience, will seek active help more than men. Because of this, I think male mental health is less thought about as they don't openly advertise how they feel.
M4: It’s situational. You could say yes because men don’t talk openly about mental health but in real reality do women? If there was a scaring problem both would talk. Most men and women shrug off some emotions that are time consuming. Society at the moment let’s people dwell. Be proactive, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move forward. And that applies to both males and females.
Most people writing blogs and posts about mental health haven’t suffered anything significant and it’s just loads of people jumping on the bandwagon to look like they are doing something so they can dump it on their CV. Suffer it properly then write something... you breaking up with your girlfriend of 6 months doesn’t count.
M5: Yes, I think women are much better at expressing their emotions, i think this links to women being much more comfortable speaking to their friends because it is a much less hostile environment. Banter is at the forefront on men's social environments and this at times can be very toxic, discouraging discussion.
How easy do you find it to talk about mental health with friends and family?
M1: Very easy, would feel comfortable doing so and have done it many times.
M2: It depends on the individuals.
M3: -I think it's hard to talk about with your family. I don't want to make my parents feel like they aren't doing enough when they clearly have a lot on. I also wouldn't want my family to change how they view/treat me. I have spoken to a few friends about their mental health and have found it's a lot easier to communicate if they have had similar feelings in the past. If you speak to someone that has never had a bad day in their life it doesn't really help.
M4: Easy if I have a problem I say I move on easy.
M5: For me I think it is okay, I am able to express my feelings a lot, but of course talking about your emotions can be hard for everyone and I do sometimes struggle with this.
Are there any things that you do in your everyday life to improve/maintain your mental health?
M1: Not consciously, perhaps surrounding myself with people that I like for as much time as possible.
M2: Exercise, chatting with housemates, attending lectures and seeing my smoke of a girlfriend.
M3: Nothing specifically - especially in lockdown. Seeing my Girlfriend always seems to help calm me. I like doing creative things but can never bring myself to do them as I feel like I should be working.
M4: Have a routine. Don’t feel sorry for yourself if you get up at 10, live in a dump and do not exercise.
M5: Go out and exercise when everything gets a bit too much. Also recognising the signs that I may be stressed or sad and taking a step back to focus on myself and get back to 100%.
What changes would you like to see in terms of male mental health and the way that it is treated/approached in society?
M1: A lot is being done I think, but more figures that meet this quintessential ‘alpha’ male need to publicly discuss their issues. Loneliness I think is where the problem lies. From my perspective I can talk to anyone and feel no shame and therefore don’t feel lonely but if that wasn’t the case I can see how it could culminate, as it does for many.
M2: I think it needs to be treated sooner. It is all well and good diagnosing someone with depression when they've got it and it's crippling their life, however I think little is done to help people that may be on the road to suffering mental health problems. It is a big thing to admit you are suffering mental health wise, but even bigger to be able to admit that to people and know you will get a positive, helpful response.
M3: I feel like the hardest thing with mental health problems is coming to terms with the fact that you have one. When does the distinction between being sad for a long time and having depression happen? I think the main thing that would help aid male mental health would be to support its acceptance from a young age. If schools and other institutions openly talked about mental health, with easier/more approachable access to therapists, it would help men come to terms with and accept mental health problems before they become destructive.
M4: Allow people to have their own methods don't write a blog telling people how to be happy! You will work it out, let people find their way. You need a little bit of struggle in life or you become weak.
M5: A more accepting society which listens more. Removing the stigma completely and everyone being nicer. People shouldn't feel embarrassed to talk to their friends or check up on people.
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Photo by Stephen Leonardi on Unsplash
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