We are all looking to belong to a group and find people we can connect with in a profound level. People who we have things in common with, who experienced similar things to us.
In Rotterdam, I always found people that I had something in common with. Every person I meet here makes me feel like we're alike, because there are so many people from all over the world. I like this contrast - we all grew up in worlds that are completely different, but we still find something that we share.
The reason why people come here is exactly that. We all had this need to escape the world in which we were born. I didn't experience this in Romania, my home country. My friends back home just happened to all be born there. Moving to Rotterdam is a decision my friends from here and I took voluntarily.
I didn't feel this way from the beginning. The first few months after I moved, I was only spending time with other Romanians I had met. At one point, that demoralized me. I felt like I couldn't build a friendship with someone that didn't speak Romanian. I had many insecurities about my capacity to connect with people. So it took a while until I felt like this was where I belonged, that it would be okay.
There was not a singular moment where I told myself "now I belong". It came naturally as I went more to university, as I met more people from my class. I became more optimistic, as I connected more.
One of my biggest fears - and of other people as well I think - is loneliness. So when you have people with whom you can relax and feel like yourself, the fear diminishes. Because you can say out loud any thought that crosses your mind and someone will be there to listen to it. I feel lucky to have this in my life.
Now I am trying to learn Dutch, so I am making a conscious effort to find an even bigger community here. There are many things I don't have access to because I don't know the language. I guess my motivation also comes from this fear of loneliness.
As a queer person, feeling like you are part of a community is very important. We live in a heterosexual universe. So it's hard sometimes to accept yourself and tell yourself "this is just the way I am", when somehow everything around you tells you that what you are is wrong. So, having other queer people around you normalizes your experience.
If you are queer, you were most likely born into a heterosexual family. Since I was little I felt like something was different about me, that I didn't fully belong. So when you meet other queer persons, you can talk about problems that a heterosexual person wouldn't fully understand.
Comments