Podcasts have recently become my new obsession, particularly the complete set list of Irish actor, comedian, writer and activist Aisling Bea who I absolutely adore. She featured on a wonderful podcast hosted by comedian and producer Amy Annette called ‘What Women Want’ in which they discuss the misogyny and misadventures of the world of women. The episode I dove into was on Female Friendship, and inspired me to write this blog post, which I have been thinking about for a long time.
One key point that Aisling Bea highlights is that when we talk about female friendships, as much as terms like ‘nattering’ are gendered and pointed at women in a derogatory way, it is through this stereotypical female ‘nattering’ and constant chatting that we, as women, are afforded the space to build and employ a specific emotional language. Through this dialogue and constant back-and-forth communication, we build up a language through which we are able to talk about our emotions, often sharing with our female best friends everything from the tiniest of traumas to moments in our lives that define us. These conversations are only framed negatively because girls have long been brought up to automatically relegate feelings, like jealousy, which they might express to their friends, as negative and even inherently unnatural. Girls are supposed to be ‘nice’, but in this ‘nattering’ we can leave those stereotypes and assumptions behind, and feel comfortable expressing feelings which we may not have the confidence or even space to express in public.
Not all female friendships are like this, nor defined by this, but from my own experience and hearing about others, it seems to become second nature to discuss (‘natter’) about life events with our best friends, pulling them apart and piecing them back together again. We have grown up chatting away like this - it’s second nature. But for men, they have rarely been allowed this space, being told to simply ‘Man Up’ and almost encouraged to bottle up their emotions, as though holding everything in would somehow make them stronger. Two women can walk into a ladies’ bathroom and easily come out as good friends, discussing lost lipsticks, lost loves and everything in between within the space of two minutes. Rarely can this be achieved between two men, not because they don’t have the same willingness or intelligence, but because they haven’t grown up with the same emotional language, acceptance or knowledge that talking - even with strangers - binds us together more than it divides us apart.
There is a strong idea of what constitutes a woman, or rather a ‘real’ woman. For me, my female friendships are my foundation, and an area where I can simply be myself. Despite being stereotyped and sometimes mocked as nothing more than constant ‘nattering’ or ‘gossiping’ or ‘bitching’ (the list goes on!), this talking is one of the most powerful and rewarding things in the world. This is not to be reductive or diminish any other types of friendship, but simply an ode to my female friends – the love I feel for them is boundless, a mix of respect, admiration and pure giddiness at the thought of just ‘nattering’ away with them over a cup of tea. I could say nothing or everything and that love would remain the same. Whilst in many ways to be a woman in a man’s world is pain, to be a woman in a woman’s world is pure love.
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